I feel like a world-class asshole. No, I didn't go to the wake or the service. I didn't want my last memory of her to be lying in a casket dead. I want it to be the Elaine that is telling me what is for lunch down in the cafeteria, or the Elaine who is talking about her dogs. Fucking sue me, I couldn't go.

Feeling not so great these last few days. Colon is not happy. Will call my GI about it tomorrow. Have been taking the Asacol, it's not doing much. Kinda sucks. I think he said he'll put me on a steriod to see if that kicks it out. I also really have to wonder if it is female related. I'm a due a visit from my Aunt Flow in all of 2 days and this pain kicked up about 2 days ago. Body goes wacky before she visits. Men have no fucking idea. Believe me, I've seen my share of men having temper-tantrums from wacky hormones, but not fucking monthly. Wish we could share this...

Listening to Ben Folds Five, anyone who hasn't heard them, really really should check them out. No, I'm not talking about "oh, the song Brick was so good, blah, blah." His albums have some of the most serene to some of the most cuckoo songs these ears have heard. I almost equate it to listening to like a rock opera of sorts. Especially with "Whatever and Amen." Such good songs. Listening to "Reinhold Messner," good good stuff on here. Narcolepsy, Army, Magic and Lullabye are worth the price of the album alone. Nothing finer than a good tune. I'm outtie. "goodnight, goodnight, let the moonlight take the lid off your dreams..."